Messages of Note

November 30, 2011 at 9:23 am (Messages of Note)

Andrew Smith

National Leadership Team

PRAYER OF JABEZ

In England and Wales in 2010 the most popular baby names for boys were Oliver, Jack and Harry for the second year running. For baby girls it was Sophie, Olivia and Emily.

I’ve yet to hear of a baby being called Jabez in over four decades of living!

Yet reading through 1 Chronicles recently I was struck by the impact of a baby boy who despite an awful start to life (yes, Jabez actually means troublemaker or sorrow-bringer) achieved great things for God.

Let’s remind ourselves today that it’s not how we start that’s important – it’s how we finish! Jabez understood the importance of longevity in life and ministry and cried out to God for four things:

1. BLESSING – when was the last time we asked God to bless us? Not our churches or ministries, but us. Reality is we can only bless others when we’ve been blessed by God ourselves, it’s not a selfish prayer to ask for blessing (literal meaning is supernatural favour), it’s only selfish when we park up and stay continually at the place called blessing with no thought of others.

2. EXPANSION – the heart of God is always in taking more territory. God help us to have more influence this week in everything we seek to do for Him. Oh that our capacity for God and the things of God would increase.

3.  ANOINTING – Jabez cried out that the Hand of God would be on him. The longer I go in ministry the more I realise anything of any lasting eternal value comes from the Touch of God. May we experience a fresh touch of his anointing this week.

4.  PROTECTION – Jabez prayed that God would keep him from harm. We have a real enemy who would like nothing better than to destroy the work we’re involved in. Psalm 91:9 assures us that, “If we make the Most High our dwelling, no harm will come near us for angels are assigned by the Lord to protect us and guard us in all our ways.” That’s comforting!

And the best news of all is that God heard the cry of Jabez’s heart and answered his prayer. God still does today. It’s time to cry out again to Him.

Have a fantastic week ahead!

 

 

 

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Meet the Christian Ministers

November 30, 2011 at 9:18 am (Meet The Ministers)

Rev. Jason Beynon

A tiny Elim church has grown dramatically in the last four years. Becky Barlow spoke to the man in charge and found out why 

FROM A LITTLE ACORN, BONT KEEPS ON GROWING

In the four years that Pastor Jason Beynon has been at the church in Pontarddulais,Swan­sea, a lot has happened. Beulah Elim, also known as Bont Elim, has positively exploded under Jason’s leadership, and has grown fivefold since he took over.

He says, ‘Four years ago we were a congregation of 12 – we are now a congregation of up to 6o.

It became clear to the lead­ership that for the church to grow, it would have to be able to reach out to people of all ages. So when they were ap­proached by one of the mem­bers who felt led to begin a mother and toddler group, this was given the go ahead.

Jason says, ‘It ran for the first year every Thursday morn­ing, but after the first year it had become so popular that it has since run both on Thursdays and Fridays.

‘We regularly see up­wards of 50 toddlers every week accompanied by moth­ers, fathers and occasionally grandparents.’

The children’s club The Zone was split by age groups into two separate groups and The JAM (Jesus And Me) was formed. They also now run a ‘Lifers’ group for older teens. The youngsters have access to pool, table tennis, Playstation games and Nintendo Wiis,

Jason says, ‘We have cre­ated a safe, comfortable en­vironment for children and teens to be able to chill out and relax – and all our workers are CRB checked. We are also fortunate to have on our team a very talented professional actor – Dave Jenkins. Dave is our schools worker and is also in charge of our Saturday group Acting Up, where he teaches the youngsters acting skills which has been amazing at building their confidence and presentation skills.’

In an effort to reach as many people as possible with the gospel message, a radical decision was taken to have two gospel services every Sunday.

The packed programme seems to be working, and with eight baptisms and one dedication in the past months, Jason has nothing but hope for the future.

They recently started a weekly coffee morning ‘The Coffee Pot’ to provide a further opportunity for people to invite friends and to have the opportunity to minister to their needs. This along with the Ladies Fellowship and the  Kingdom Kids Sunday school, enables Bont Elim to have outreach events to suit all ages.

‘We are so passionate about what we do for Jesus,’ says Jason. ‘Our church is now open every day of the week, with different activities and drop in opportunities for the community. We also have street workers who will go out and invite people in. They go out there and show the love of God.

‘We’re really seeing fruit. We had one young girl join us who was a drug addict and was homeless. As a result of her meeting the Lord she’s now got her own home and she’s getting her life back together.’

The church is now looking to the future and hoping to se­cure larger premises to enable them to reach out even more into their community.

Jason says, ‘Beulah Church, or Bont Elim, as we are now known, is totally committed to sharing the good news of Jesus in the community. Bont is Welsh for bridge and in conjunction with Elim (a place of refreshing) this gives us our message to take – that there is a bridge to a place of refreshing.

‘This works on many levels. We are the bridge to Jesus who is our ultimate refreshing. We are a place of refreshing, a safe place for people with life con­trolling issues. We are a pointer to the ultimate bridge, Jesus, showing the way to a glorious eternity.’

• For more information go to http://www.bontelim.org.uk

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Sermon Starters

November 30, 2011 at 9:13 am (Sermon Starters)

This is a simple outline for you to think about and meditate on. The introduction, main thoughts and conclusion need further material to be added. It is an outline for you to expand, develop more fully and fill in to spiritual profit and inspiration.

Rev. E. Anderson

FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS

Esther 4: 14

It is quite a remarkable book that illustrates and emphasises God at work behind the scenes although His Name is not mentioned. He hand, nevertheless, can be traced through the events that occurred and reveals that He is in time and on time in the outworking of things that directly affect His people. An awareness of this knowledge should create a sense of peace and assurance in times of immense crisis, when everything is stacked up against His servants and Elect. Mordecai makes a choice statement when he says to Esther when he affirms who knows whether you have been born for such a time as this.  Events were to prove the reality of his words. The scheduling of matters in hand show it was no chance factor but a choice, divine plan.

God at work behind

1/.  HER ELEVATION WAS TIMELY – Esther 2:17

It was no freak factor that she had been promoted to be queen above the other choice and beautiful womenfolk. The deposing of Vashti was not unknown to Jehovah and He had silently planned she should be preferred and accepted beyond her counterparts and be exalted. The previous doings had all been in accord with His approval and workings. His time piece had scheduled such.

2/.  HER INFORMATION WAS TIMELY – Esther 3: 21-23.

She acted as a go-between for Mordecai, the king and told him of would-be assassins of the king. It was not by accident that he had overheard the conversation and been able to act as an informer. Nor was it a mere oversight that he had not been immediately rewarded. In God’s records the moment was not ripe for rewards.

3/. HER INTERCESSION WAS TIMELY – Esther 4: 15-17

It was right that she learned to put the issue into the hands of Jehovah. She needed the intervention of heaven’s rule and arm in these circumstances. Now was the time to discover the real reason for her queenly position. She was to proveIsrael’s God at a personal level and see how He would deal with this intended evil and its perpetrator. It was right that she discover the Lord herself and His supreme person. She was to become the tool and agent for effecting His Purpose.

CONCLUSION

The time factor is a crucial one with God. He seeks to prove and show that events and situations are not chance matters or coincidence but are all within His providences. What takes place is not a sudden surprise to Him for which He is unprepared but has the answer all lined up. He is never in a state of emergency or confusion but already knows what to do.

                                                   

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Message by Rick Warren

November 29, 2011 at 10:19 am (Messages By Rick Warren)

Rev. Rick Warren

WHEN THINGS FALL APART, WAIT ON GOD

“When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions. Wait for hope to appear.” (Lamentations 3:28-29 MSG)

The concept of waiting on God is a spiritual habit. It is the single greatest antidote to anxiety and tension. It’s a spiritual discipline that you must learn to do or you will be under stress your entire life.

This is what it means to wait on God: you sit down and shut up. Find a place to be quiet and sit still in silence. Don’t read anything. Don’t pray. Just take some deep breaths, sit before God and say, “God, I’m just going to wait on you.” It’s amazing what a calming ability this has on your heart and mind. “Those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. … They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31 NLT).

God wants to talk to you. If you aren’t hearing him, it’s because you aren’t making time in your schedule to listen to him. You’re too busy listening to your iPod, playing with your iPad, watching television, playing video games or talking on your cell phone. You might be overworking.

If you want to hear God, you need to sit in silence. Turn off all the electronics and remove yourself from all the distractions. Find a comfortable place and sit there. Tell God you’re waiting to hear from him and then listen. Be quiet.

This is what Jesus told the disciples to do: “Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace” (Matthew 6:6-7 MSG). That’s the power of a quiet time.

So here is my challenge to you: Every day for the next seven days, I want you to spend 10 minutes in silence before God. Tell God you’re there to wait on him, and then just sit there. You can read a little bit and talk to God in prayer, but the majority of your time needs to be spent in silence before God. You’ll be amazed at the new strength you will find.

“The Lord is good to everyone who trusts in him, so it is best for us to wait in patience – to wait for him to save us” (Lamentations 3:25-26 TEV). Wait in patience and wait for God to save you. When your world falls apart, you want to put it back together instantly, but that won’t happen. It didn’t fall apart instantly, and it’s going to take time to put things back together. But wait in patience, because God’s timing is perfect.

 

 

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Points to Ponder

November 29, 2011 at 10:15 am (Points to Ponder)

Rev. E. Anderson

HE DIED CLIMBING

At a certain place in theAlpsthere is a monument to a guide who had perished when attempting the make the ascension of the mountain. The sim­ple inscription on the stone is, “He died climbing.” It is a noble tribute to a heroic man. He was in the line of his duty. His face was forward and upward. Higher and higher was his aim, not in a vain ambition, but in the line of duty. Without fault of his own he fell, the sacrifice to duty. Not lost, but living still, his simple monument telling the story of a life of pure and high aims, that shrank not from perils and death when he heard the call. “He died climb­ing.”

The words are an inspiration to men everywhere, an example that calls others to the same faith, even though it may have the same perils.

                                               

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Illustrations that Light up Life

November 29, 2011 at 10:09 am (Illustrations)

Rev. E. Anderson

SACRIFICE

Julie Anderson grew up as the daughter of missionaries inZaire. As a little girl, she went to a day-long rally celebrating the 100th anniversary of Christian missionaries coming to that part ofZaire.

After a full day of long speeches and music, an old man came before the crowd and insisted that he be allowed to speak. He said He soon would die, and that he alone had some important information would go with him to his grave.

He explained that when Christian missionaries came 100 years before, his people thought the missionaries were strange and their message unusual. The tribal leaders decided to test the mission by slowly poisoning them to death.  Over a period of months and years, missionary children died one by one.  Then the old man said, “It was as we watched how they died, that we decided we wanted to live as Christians.”

That story had gone untold for 100 years. Those who died painful, strange deaths never knew why they were dying, or what the impact of their lives would be. They stayed because they trusted Jesus Christ.                       Louise Anderson

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Leadership Factors

November 28, 2011 at 9:55 am (Leadership Factors)

Rev. E. Anderson

THE DIVINE PRINCIPLES OF GOOD LEADERSHIP

Reading  Philippians 2

Introduction

CONCERN AND COMMITMENT: What concerns and what we are wholly committed to is a Christian Leadership. It has a priority and standard above all other kind of leadership and government.

PRINCIPLE: A guiding and governing rule that govern a person’s belief and behaviour, creed and code of conduct. There are basic, fundamental laws that are at the heart of what is done and it is imperative to have the best, wise and right ones in place and constantly and wholly in operation.

DIVINE RULES: There is the need to be personally conversant as a Christian leader to know what God wants to be done within their lives and His cause. There is no excuse for ignorance. In and through the Scriptures and by the Holy Spirit it is possible to be tutored and mentored by God in this strategic calling in the Christian Church. They need to be known and duly and dutifully applied. They must not be bent and amended for anyone. They supersede any directing factors from any other sources no matter how good they appear to be. Time, thought and devotion is to be really evident. Every Christian leader must be a learner being taught by Christ as to serve in this role.

1/. GOOD LEADERSHIP COMES FROM GOOD LEADERS

One of the main projects of Christ was to call and make disciples who would then become good leaders. Good disciples would then turn out to be good leaders. He gave the bulk of His time to men who would serve Him in the capacity of good leaders. Under His divine leadership this was His great objective. As they listened, watched and obeyed Him then they would be shaped into a good, sound and responsible leadership. They certainly had the finest and best leader to look up to and learn from. The Acts of the Apostles revealed that the Lord ultimately secured His objective. Paul desired that Timothy would be ‘a good minister’ of Jesus Christ’ – 1 Timothy 4: 6.

2/. GOOD LEADERSHIP IS DEDICATED TO HONOURING THE LORD ABOVE ALL – 1 Samuel 2: 30

Samuel makes it perfectly clear what the Lord is seeking in those who would seek to aspire to serve Him in the major role of leadership. He is interested in what actually motivates a person who assumes the mantle of leadership. Within the individual has got to be the pure, divine motive which will be known and regarded by Him.  The prophet says in prophetic declaration, “He who honours Me, I will honour” – Daniel.  Regrettably, Eli and his sons didn’t get it right.

See the example that Christ sets for all who would aspire to Christian leadership and service – John 8: 29. Good leaders have this sound and good motive resident and president which is a great preservative.

3/. GOOD LEADERSHIP IS EVER IN A STATE OF DIVINE OBEDIENCE

Good leaders learn to be submissive to the Lord on all matters. There is not only the knowing but the doing of His will. Learning obedience to the real authority has to be paramount and it is more than lip service. Joshua had to discover this as he was called to lead Israel– Joshua 4. It was a divine demand placed upon him as he assumed the role of leadership after Moses – Joshua 1:7, 8. Note Paul’s attitude and frame of mind immediate at conversion and throughout His Christian life and service – Acts 9: 6, and he could affirm – “I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision”. 

“Obedience to God is the most infallible evidence of sincere and supreme love to him” -Emmon

4/. GOOD LEADERSHIP REVEALS A MARKED HUMILITY – Matthew 11:29; 5:4

All the leadership is to be modelled by and in Him. He is the supreme leader and is the reference point to all who assume Christian leadership office. He is perfect and faultless and is worth noting and emulating. No one will go wrong who takes this course of procedure. By example He reveals excellence and is the principal leading factor for all who would succeed. He possesses the skill to inspire and influence others to unique feats in Christian living, service and leadership.

“It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels” – St. Augustine 

“True humility is not an abject, grovelling, self-despising spirit; it is but a right estimate of ourselves as God sees us” – Edwards

It is not thinking we are somebody in a proud, officious attitude but manifesting an attitude of lowliness – Philippians 2: 1-8. One must not suffer from low esteem and neither should self-esteem be pre-eminent. There are those who because of leadership become untouchable and manifest and awful arrogant spirit. It must never be forgotten that pride became the sin that led to Satan’s downfall – Ezekiel 28. It is something God cannot stomach and makes Him sick.  See Diotrephes – 3 John vv9, 10.

5/. GOOD LEADERSHIP HAS CHRIST AS KEY-ROLE MODEL

All in leadership need to have someone that can serve as a a person that exemplifies all that is sure, sound, sensible and will act in the capacity of tutor and encourager. Leaders must have a good leader that represents all the qualities, abilities, know how on how to fulfil the job. There is none better than Christ to copy and emulate. He set himself up as a pattern for others to note and copy. Paul could say: “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ” – 1 Corinthians 11: 1

6/. GOOD LEADERSHIP IS DEVOTED TO DIVINE SERVANTHOOD – Matthew 20: 28; Mark 10: 45; Philippians 2

There is immense pleasure in considering serving others in every possible way.Opportunityis taken to give loving time to waiting on others. Christ revelled in the title ‘servant’. His work and ministry was always to serve and render good service to others – Acts 10: 38.

“It is high time that the ideal of success should be replaced by the ideal of service” – Einstein

“The highest of distinctions is the service of others.” – King George VI

7/. GOOD LEADERSHIPS KNOWS ITS ACCOUNTABILITY – 1 Corinthians 3; Colossians 1

It is serving God and knowing that in all things there is to be accountability. This knowledge is purposed to be a sanctifying factor so leadership is properly focused and carried out aright.

’The greatest thought that can occupy man’s mind is one’s sense of accountability to God’ – Daniel 

Daniel = God is my Judge

8/. GOOD LEADERSHIP IS DOMINATED BY DIVINE ASSURANCE – Hebrews 11: 6

All those who know the approval of God in a marked degree are people of divine faith. The faith chapter, Hebrews 11, puts this into focus, highlighting and underscoring the fact that faith is an absolute necessity. A leader must not only be strong in faith but be in a healthy position to impart and generate it in others by the inspiration of God. In observation of Christ’s ministry this was one of His principal activities amongst His disciples and apostles. He gave a lead in and taught and inspired faith.

Illustration: Principal work and ministry of Christ with disciples – to be men of faith

9/. GOOD LEADERSHIP POSSESSES AN ABSOLUTE DILGENCE IN ALL THINGS AT ALL TIMES

One of the major let-downs in professed Christian leadership is the woeful lack of diligence. There has to be a true conscientiousness present and prevailing that makes a leader trustworthy and reliable in all matters. A fidelity marks out that indicates his close connection with God because He is diligent.

Diligence is closely allied to enthusiasm. When a person is genuinely and truly enthusiastic and zealous there is a keenness in doing the small things well.

10/. GOOD LEADERSHIP IS CHARACTERISED BY TRUE JOY AND DELIGHT IN SERVICE – Hebrews 10

Serving the Lord is not regarded as a painful exercise and business. It is not an irksome duty to be involved with Christ in His kingdom enterprise. There is a rich and sweet pleasure to be known in spending one’s life and days in loving, sacrificial labour for Him and others – see Lydia, Onesiphorus  Acts 16: 14-15; 2 Timothy 1: 16-18

11/. GOOD LEADERSHIP IS MOTIVATED BY PRAYER

Prayer must top the agenda if leadership is to be fulfilled as the Lord has ordained. Note the early Church example – we will give ourselves to prayer” – Acts 6: 4. Christ taught and gave a vital and vibrant lead on this to His first leaders. They asked: “Lord, teach us to pray”. It is not something that is tagged on but is regarded as top priority.

12/. GOOD LEADESHIP PRODUCES THE GREATEST RESULTS

Good leaders do not fail but are highly successful in the way the Lord has planned. God does not sponsor flops. The Bible is arrayed with individuals who in their day gave true, divine and spiritual leadership and achieved great things. Born to lead and win. Christ, Moses, Elijah etc.

CONCLUSIONS

  • Must be consecrated to being a good leader – it is a challenge.
  • Excellence in relation to all these rules must be present and prevail.

                                           

 

 

 

 

 

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Focus

November 28, 2011 at 9:46 am (Focus)

Rev. E. Anderson

WHO OWNS YOU?

“Let the redeemed of the Lord say this – those he redeemed from the hand of the foe” – Psalm 107:2

You have a new owner. You have been sold, purchased by the Master. The title has been transferred, and all rights have been assigned. God owns you now, completely. He has the title, the deed, the rights, the trademark, the name, and the assets. He has everything.

Your previous owner took no interest in your well-being. In fact, his goal was destruction. He was your foe, but then you were bought away from him. You were “hungry and  thirsty” – v5, and “sat  and in darkness and  the deepest gloom” – v10. You “rebelled against the  God” – v11, and so you worked in embitter labour” – v12. But when you cried out to the Lord in (your) trouble” vv- 6, 13, 19, 28, He saved you, delivered you, and brought you out. He redeemed you.

When work is bitter and circumstances are against you, when everything is dark and despair begins to creep in, cry out to the Lord. Don’t give up or wish things were better; cry out to the Lord. Reach out to Him, call His name, and cling to His word.

There are times when desperate and aggressive prayers are warranted: when you experience or witness injustice or cruelty at the hands of others, when you’ve lost a loved one, when you’re facing unemployment or bankruptcy, or when you’re in utter defeat and all your hopes and dreams have been dashed.

Do you desperately cling to Him? If not, then maybe you do not see the reality of your condition clearly enough. Perhaps you do not understand the depths from which you were saved – or you have forgotten the price that was paid for you.

Desperate times can stem from many sources: our own foolishness and rebellion, our enemies, life circumstances, or the Lord’s testing. Regardless of the source, the solution is the same: Cry out to Him. He will redeem you.

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Christian Testimony

November 28, 2011 at 9:40 am (Christian Testimony)

 

John Boyers

I HELP EVERYONE, NOT JUST FOOTBALL STAR

He might work for the Red Devils, but Man Utd chaplain John Boyers is spreading the light at Britain’s most famous football club. John spoke at Elim Bible Week, highlighting the importance of chaplaincy.

With 19 Premier League titles under their belt, Manchester United are the most successful club in British football history, but for Rev John Boyers Old Trafford is much more than a sporting venue. He has worked there as chaplain for almost 20 years and is responsible for the spiritual and pastoral needs of the club’s employees.

And for John it doesn’t mat­ter whether he’s dealing with sporting superstars or office staff – he treats them all the same.

‘I work with everybody at the club, not just the players,’ he explains. ‘An international foot­baller or a part-time cleaner – it doesn’t matter to me. I’m there to help any and help all.’

So what does being a foot­ball chaplain involve? A lot of my role is building up trust and friendship with people, so that they know you and what you offer,’ says John. ‘Sometimes, if there’s a religious need like a wedding or a funeral, and peo­ple don’t have a local church, then they ask me to help them. Occasionally I’m involved in some very special events like an official club thanksgiving or memorial service.2

One such occasion was the 50-year memorial of theMunichair crash in which 23 people lost their lives, including 11 United players and staff. ‘I had to help plan the service and the details of the wording on a very sensi­tive occasion,’ he says. To be asked to lead that service in front of a thousand people and then the TV cameras was both an honour and a challenge!’

Having been at the club since 1992, John has earned the trust and respect of staff and players, but he admits that a dif­ferent approach is needed when catering for the spiritual needs of people outside the church.

‘In the past people knew who the minister was in their community, but today fewer people go to church. So rather than ask questions about life and faith of their local clergy, who they don’t know, they ask the Christian they know – me, their chaplain.’

John makes time to get to know the first team players and training ground staff, as well as the reserves and youth team. He also does ecucational work with the younger players.

‘I taik aoout life skills, includ­ing topics like friendship. bul­lying, sexual issues, prejudice. decision making, and privilege and responsibility’ he explains.

‘I don’t say. ‘This is what you must do and how you must live.” I look at He situations and ask them” to discuss options and consequences.’ John also leads an annual Holy Week reflection for employees, and organises the staff Christmas carol service. He is careful with the trust of club workers.

‘I always demonstrate avail­ability, confidentiality and trust­worthiness,’ he says. ‘I never talk to others about those to whom I’ve spoken, and never talk about what others have said to me.’

And as International Director of SCORE (Sports Chaplaincy Offering Resources and Encour­agement), John is passionate about envisioning churches to see the opportunities sport offers for ministry. He says, ‘Chaplaincy at Premier League level is a tiny part of sports ministry. At a more normal and local level, sport gives churches opportunities to contact people who would not normally come to church, and for them to hear about Jesus.’

Man Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson said, ‘Since our chap­lain, Rev John Boyers, got in­volved with Manchester United in September 1992, I have become more and more aware of SCORE and its work. Chap­lains can be of help to all sorts of people involved with sport, when crisis, need, or difficulty comes.’

 

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ATime to Laugh

November 28, 2011 at 9:28 am (Time to Laugh)

 Rev. E. Andesron

A MULE FUNNY

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, the wife sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the husband replied, “In-laws.”

 DEAD DUCK FUNNY

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m

sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet..

“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this “Is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.” The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. £150!” she cried, “£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now £150.”

today’s thought

One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

 

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