Rev. E. Anderson
FAMILIES CAN BE BETTER
by Margaret Peale
Probably the hardest thing for parents to do is to let their children go.
The hardest job in the world, I think, is being a parent. Looking back over my own family life, I often wonder at my parents’ patience, understanding, and wisdom. Each of us three children, probably, can find some lack in our family life for which we will have to compensate in other ways.
Parents cannot hope to raise perfect families, but I believe the job of parenthood is to help children develop their personalities in such ways that they in turn will make even better parents.
I believe that a good family life is dependent on the family’s growing together. Mum and Dad always made us feel that the things that were important to us were also important to them. My two main interests in high school were basketball and singing. An important game would never go by without one or both of my parents there watching me. I never asked them to come, but they knew how much it meant to me and would always fit it into their busy schedules.
Because our parents like whomever we like, a constant stream of friends parades in and out of the house. One day the door to our apartment opened and John, my brother, stood on the threshold with seven other boys.
‘I’ve brought some friends to stay the night. Mum. That’s okay, isn’t it?’
Without batting an eyelash, Mother smiled and said, ‘Why, of course, come in.’ At that moment she wasn’t sure she had extra beds, but John knew she would provide.
Mum and Dad indoctrinated us early with the idea that each member of the family has an equal share in family responsibilities, and that we are a team of five.
Out of this atmosphere grew a feeling of trust. We never had any strict rules of do’s and don’ts. We discussed what was right, wrong and sensible and then Mum and Dad trusted us to use our own judgment and act accordingly.
Into this atmosphere of family discussion God was brought as a necessary and vital factor. Religion was thus never really taught us; it was just practiced. Perhaps that fact accounted for the lack of rebellion that so many ministers’ children go through.
An example of how this combination of family closeness and faith works came at the end of my junior year in college. I was asked to be an advisor to thirty new girls during my final year. This required living with the girls, and actually being part of their adjustment to life in a new college. I shied away from the job, actually refusing it once, because I felt I couldn’t handle the responsibilities it entailed. Then I called my parents.
Dad said, ‘God has given you this chance for a purpose. If you stand still and never take advantage of your opportunities, you won’t get anywhere in life. Have the courage to accept the position and God will make known to you the reasons behind it.’
I did as he advised, and it proved to be the most meaningful experience of my college career.
Once, when John and Elizabeth and I were quite young, our favourite pastime was throwing water bombs, sand bombs and paper aeroplanes out of our apartment window.
While I am sure it caused Mum and Dad some moments of acute embarrassment, this passing fad was handled with real understanding. We were always punished, usually by cleaning up the mess or by apologizing to the caretaker, but never forbidden to see our friends. Again, a sensible and adult discussion of our actions turned the trick. Probably the most difficult thing for Mother to face was the time John and I decided we didn’t want to go to church any more. This t was particularly drastic for a minister’s family, but careful searching uncovered the real reason – we didn’t want to walk down the aisle and sit in the pastor’s pew.
In spite of Mother’s desire to have the family sit together in church, she said, ‘You can sit wherever you like.’ So, for years, we sat in the front row of the balcony – the most conspicuous place f in the church, I might add – but we went to church.
Probably the hardest thing for parents to do is to let their I children go, but it is one of the most important. Recently, when a girl friend and I moved into an apartment of our own, I discovered something: If parents have created a home filled with love, understanding and trust, and have helped each child develop his own personality and make his own decisions, parents need never fear losing their children.
Barnabas Ministries UK 